If there is a resounding theme in my life these days, it’s simplicity.
The past couple of years I have seemed to muddle up my life with seemingly unimportant things and completely missing out on the simple joys.
I have forgotten to just enjoy the blessings Marc and I have received and in some ways I have become ungrateful… maybe even a bit selfish in what I feel is ‘owed’ to me. I have also been really hard on myself for not being busy enough, not being ‘healthy’ enough, or active enough… or ‘good’ enough.
Well, this year that is going to change. Because I have been missing out on a lot.
A few weeks ago, Marc and I decided to purge our closets. It seems like a simple task, but it felt so good to get rid of the ‘stuff’ that was weighing our closets down, and cluttering up our space.
I think that has spilled into other aspects of my world. I have spent a long time putting a wall up in relationships, my spiritual life, and family life. I am a vulnerable person. I spent years trying to connect and build accountability in friendships that ended up not being reciprocated. I felt alone and deeply hurt.
Since then I have closed myself off. I’d had enough.
It’s time that changed.
I long to find that joy again. In my relationship with God, my marriage, my relationships, my new church… even at work. I have been so anxious lately, and feeling that I just don’t fit anywhere.
My husband shared a quote with me the other day, from a former NFL player (of course)…
‘You should never love something (maybe someone?) that doesn’t love you back.’
This has replayed over and over in my head for weeks, not fully knowing what that means for me.
As I am slowly rebuilding my relationship with God, and spending more time with Him in meditation and prayer, I am learning that all my efforts in getting healthy, staying active, and the things I have accumulated isn’t what gives me purpose.
It doesn’t define me.
My worth, my identity and my purpose is in Jesus Christ. It’s time that I take that seriously and embrace His love. He wants the absolute best for me and it’s time that I recognize the joy He longs to bring into my life.
I didn’t intend to write any of this… but it seems that it’s on my heart, and something I needed to get out in the open.
I know I’m not alone in any of this… if I have learned anything else in the last year, opening myself up to the community that I have been encountering, whether it’s on Twitter, Facebook, in church, blogging, has given me hope that I have others to lean on. I have missed that dearly.
So often I have found myself thinking that this community isn’t practical, it’s weird, and it’s time-consuming. But it’s the very thing that has encouraged me to do better. To be more.
I have mentioned before that I’m unsure of where this blog is going. And I’m still unsure. There are times I just can’t fathom writing a sentence, let alone a full post. If I can share tidbits of my life, and encourage, inspire, or maybe use it to ask for a shoulder to lean on once in a while, it’s worth it.
One of the many simple things that have brought me such joy already this year…
She Reads Truth – Fresh Start
Life changing, and inspiring. I honestly hope you check it out. It’s given me a new beginning; it can do the same for you. There have been quite a few different plans already, but this one has touched my heart deeply.
P.S. I had more to this post. More pictures, more things to be thankful for, so much to share with you. But for some reason it just wasn’t uploading properly. Very humbling to be shown in the midst of writing about simplicity, to be forced to keep it short. And yes, simple.